Anxiety

[hounderawr]

So I was wondering does anyone on here suffer from anxiety and/or depression? I thought it'd be nice to talk about it? I know personally like my brothers understand I get it, but they don't know what it's like. 

I suffer from major anxiety & severe panic attacks I'm medicated for both, also just been diagnosed with diabeties type 2 and when I started that medication it flared up my panic attacks. Although it seemed to be calmed down now. 

Ive been suffering for a few years, get it in big crowds sometimes, shopping centres (sometimes I'm completely fine too!) I just wasn't sure who else has this, or maybe I'm just cray cray. 

[Main Pop Girl]

I feel @eyb0ss is gonna be with you all the way on this one...  

I've never had a panic attack, but I do suffer from anxiety a lot. It can manifest itself in a lot of ways, but normally I'll lose sleep, overeat and go either super quiet or super bitchy because I don't know what else to do.  I can also find it hard to breathe and start talking really fast.

The weird thing about my anxiety is I started getting it in my dick... Not in terms of like not being able to get hard or anything. But a few months ago I had a pressure in my dick and I thought it was an STI or UTI. I got tested for both and it was neither. Then I kind of figured out, "Oh, it's anxiety" and I started being able to control it more. But sometimes I still get nervous about things and I'll feel like I need to pee all the time.  Am I the only one?

[amrcndrmr]

I've lived with anxiety and depression for over four years. It's a daily struggle. Last year, I kind of lost my shit and had to take a leave of absence to check into a mental health outpatient program. I was properly diagnosed, put on the right meds, faced my demons head on and felt alright for awhile. I had to adjust my meds a couple of weeks ago after hitting this "I accept death and that I'll probably kill myself at some point and that's okay point." Learned that was not normal and so yeah. 

The night Rainbow was released, I got a bit drunk and was sending my good friend, who's in Montana for the summer, lyrics front Spaceship and kept telling her I just wanted to sleep and not wake up. I scared the shit out of myself the next morning after coming to terms that I wasn't ready for that. Rainbow was definitely a trigger and I had to come to terms with it fast.

Some days are okay, but I mostly wake up feeling very mundane and think throughout the day about not existing and how much better things would be if that happened. 

It's hard. If you ever need someone to talk to, dm me on Twitter or Instagram (adoseofjoe) and I get notifications. I'll do my best to help where I can.

edit: my anxiety used to be so bad, that I would have to drop whatever I was doing if I was shopping or at a restaurant (I'd just drop cash on the table) and leave. It's shit. Depression? I'd be afraid to sleep in my bed, afraid that I wouldn't hear my ex break down my door. So I'd sleep on the couch, wake up and literally be stuck in bed. I've had a 9-5 since I was 20, so I had to get intermittent fmla to protect my job. It's shit. 

The whole, "you're stronger if you suffer from mental illness" is such shit. You just learn to fake it after awhile.

[Tweener]

4 hours ago, hounderawr said:

So I was wondering does anyone on here suffer from anxiety and/or depression? I thought it'd be nice to talk about it? I know personally like my brothers understand I get it, but they don't know what it's like. 

I suffer from major anxiety & severe panic attacks I'm medicated for both, also just been diagnosed with diabeties type 2 and when I started that medication it flared up my panic attacks. Although it seemed to be calmed down now. 

Ive been suffering for a few years, get it in big crowds sometimes, shopping centres (sometimes I'm completely fine too!) I just wasn't sure who else has this, or maybe I'm just cray cray. 

I suffer from anxiety and depression. I have been suffering from them since I was a child. It's an everyday struggle. However, it got better at some point. I still have some meltdowns. I can literally lock myself in the room and cry because I read an article about animal cruelty and so on. Sometimes, just like Countess, I get super bitchy and I can't help it but argue with everyone around. 

I survived a suicide attempt, but there was a time when I regularly would lock myself in the bathroom with a knife and cry thinking about how disgusting I am and how miserable my life is.

I find peace in music. That's one of the reasons I stan Miley so hard tbh. Bangerz helped me get through a lot and it made me feel better about myself. Maybe that's why I feel so obliged to defend Miley now. But not only Miley. I have been stanning Alexz Johnson since I saw the first episode of Instant Star  (which was in 2005) but I felt deeply connected to her music much later.

 

4 hours ago, Countess said:

I feel @eyb0ss is gonna be with you all the way on this one...  

I've never had a panic attack, but I do suffer from anxiety a lot. It can manifest itself in a lot of ways, but normally I'll lose sleep, overeat and go either super quiet or super bitchy because I don't know what else to do.  I can also find it hard to breathe and start talking really fast.

The weird thing about my anxiety is I started getting it in my dick... Not in terms of like not being able to get hard or anything. But a few months ago I had a pressure in my dick and I thought it was an STI or UTI. I got tested for both and it was neither. Then I kind of figured out, "Oh, it's anxiety" and I started being able to control it more. But sometimes I still get nervous about things and I'll feel like I need to pee all the time.  Am I the only one?

Sleeplessness is also my problem! To this day sometimes I can not sleep for 3 days in a row. 

31 minutes ago, Joe said:

I've lived with anxiety and depression for over four years. It's a daily struggle. Last year, I kind of lost my shit and had to take a leave of absence to check into a mental health outpatient program. I was properly diagnosed, put on the right meds, faced my demons head on and felt alright for awhile. I had to adjust my meds a couple of weeks ago after hitting this "I accept death and that I'll probably kill myself at some point and that's okay point." Learned that was not normal and so yeah. 

The night Rainbow was released, I got a bit drunk and was sending my good friend, who's in Montana for the summer, lyrics front Spaceship and kept telling her I just wanted to sleep and not wake up. I scared the shit out of myself the next morning after coming to terms that I wasn't ready for that. Rainbow was definitely a trigger and I had to come to terms with it fast.

Some days are okay, but I mostly wake up feeling very mundane and think throughout the day about not existing and how much better things would be if that happened. 

It's hard. If you ever need someone to talk to, dm me on Twitter or Instagram (adoseofjoe) and I get notifications. I'll do my best to help where I can.

edit: my anxiety used to be so bad, that I would have to drop whatever I was doing if I was shopping or at a restaurant (I'd just drop cash on the table) and leave. It's shit. Depression? I'd be afraid to sleep in my bed, afraid that I wouldn't hear my ex break down my door. So I'd sleep on the couch, wake up and literally be stuck in bed. I've had a 9-5 since I was 20, so I had to get intermittent fmla to protect my job. It's shit. 

The whole, "you're stronger if you suffer from mental illness" is such shit. You just learn to fake it after awhile.

Whenever you feel like you wanna end your life, think about me, please. I would be very sad if you ever did it. You are such a precious human being that your death would be a huge loss for the humanity. I wish more people were like you. Kind, loving, accepting. The way you bestowed Olly with love is priceless! He would miss you too. 

 

 

Also, honestly, PHF helped me a lot. Bitching at you all is so relieving (joke ). I met so many amazing people here and it's a great way to escape reality and immerse yourself in all these threads. They help you stop thinking about bad stuff. 

[amrcndrmr]

@Tweener it's not that's easy though. In the moment, you how it's going to negatively impact others. You're reminded of how it's for the better. I hate the argument that suicide is selfish. It's the most selfless act one can do (unless it's on a very public scale, like jumping off of a building... that's going to fuck someone else up).

[Tweener]

19 minutes ago, Joe said:

@Tweener it's not that's easy though. In the moment, you how it's going to negatively impact others. You're reminded of how it's for the better. I hate the argument that suicide is selfish. It's the most selfless act one can do (unless it's on a very public scale, like jumping off of a building... that's going to fuck someone else up).

You are not right here. It is selfish. There are people who care about you and the fact you are gone forever would break their hearts. Think about Olly who is fully dependent on you. Your friends who love you. Do you really think that people would just go past the fact you died purblindly? Nope. At least I wouldn't. I don't know you too long, but I already can tell how brave and amazing you are. Life is worth living/ There are ups and downs, but at the end of the day we can just go to bed, fall asleep and wake up hoping for a new day to be better. And C'mon! I will never believe that you don't have happy days! I saw you happy many times. You are worthy, baby. I love you! And many other people love you too! Don't take that for granted! 

[amrcndrmr]

I'm honestly not having this argument.

[amrcndrmr]

It's selfish of someone else to want someone to live when they don't. I'm content right now, but when my depression is so bad? When I can't control the thoughts? No, there's no reason there.

I had a good friend earlier this year take her life. She shot herself in a field after multiple suicide attempts. We all cried and celebrated who she was and what she ultimately wanted. I miss the fuck out of her and will never forget wearing turquoise lipstick with her at a bar. But she's happier and I can't blame her for that. Nor can I sit here and shame her for what she did. True depression is awful, it's a disease.

Google suicide sneezes.

[Tweener]

18 minutes ago, Joe said:

It's selfish of someone else to want someone to live when they don't. I'm content right now, but when my depression is so bad? When I can't control the thoughts? No, there's no reason there.

I had a good friend earlier this year take her life. She shot herself in a field after multiple suicide attempts. We all cried and celebrated who she was and what she ultimately wanted. I miss the fuck out of her and will never forget wearing turquoise lipstick with her at a bar. But she's happier and I can't blame her for that. Nor can I sit here and shame her for what she did. True depression is awful, it's a disease.

Google suicide sneezes.

 

For these I am grateful.

and it may seem selfish, but when you think about it, people don't want you to live so you can suffer. If someone tells you not to kill yourself it means they care about you which gives you another reason to live. Try to look at things more positively. I know it's hard sometimes, but you just have to stand in front of the mirror someday and tell yourself "Damn! You are awesome!"

If it makes me selfish to want you to live, then let it be. I am fucking selfish because I care about you and I don't give a flyin' about what you think of my attitude as long as you are safe and sound somewhere.

[Fetish]

I struggle really badly with anxiety, and being gay has really been a problem for me my whole life. My family accept me 100% but I have a really hard time interacting with people because I'm feminine in some ways, I feel like theres just a constant uncomfortableness with people. I dont know if that resonates with anyone but does anyone else feel like most if not all straight guys are lowkey homophobic even if they're not? I feel like that, and it holds me back at school BUT I recently went through a fight to change my history classes into drama/theatre classes and it was the best decision ive made in a while. Theatre has helped me so much and I just feel so comfortable. Idk I feel like I'm whining about nothing but yeah  I really recommend theatre for anyone who also struggles with anxiety!

[Tweener]

7 minutes ago, Fetish said:

I struggle really badly with anxiety, and being gay has really been a problem for me my whole life. My family accept me 100% but I have a really hard time interacting with people because I'm feminine in some ways, I feel like theres just a constant uncomfortableness with people. I dont know if that resonates with anyone but does anyone else feel like most if not all straight guys are lowkey homophobic even if they're not? I feel like that, and it holds me back at school BUT I recently went through a fight to change my history classes into drama/theatre classes and it was the best decision ive made in a while. Theatre has helped me so much and I just feel so comfortable. Idk I feel like I'm whining about nothing but yeah  I really recommend theatre for anyone who also struggles with anxiety!

I feel the same sis. I am not that feminine maybe, but I do feel like straight dudes are homophobic. All of them.

[Fetish]

Just now, Tweener said:

I feel the same sis. I am not that feminine maybe, but I do feel like straight dudes are homophobic. All of them.

Right same, I'm not super feminine compared to a lot of the gays but, I'm feminine enough for people to get the gay vibe. I feel like they're just super uncomfortable around gay guys or being associated with them, kind of annoying and dehumanising. 

[Tweener]

3 minutes ago, Fetish said:

Right same, I'm not super feminine compared to a lot of the gays but, I'm feminine enough for people to get the gay vibe. I feel like they're just super uncomfortable around gay guys or being associated with them, kind of annoying and dehumanising. 

Yeah. But on the other hand, I feel awkward and uncomfy in their presence as well so it's kinda 2-sided. 

[hounderawr]

10 hours ago, Countess said:

I feel @eyb0ss is gonna be with you all the way on this one...  

I've never had a panic attack, but I do suffer from anxiety a lot. It can manifest itself in a lot of ways, but normally I'll lose sleep, overeat and go either super quiet or super bitchy because I don't know what else to do.  I can also find it hard to breathe and start talking really fast.

The weird thing about my anxiety is I started getting it in my dick... Not in terms of like not being able to get hard or anything. But a few months ago I had a pressure in my dick and I thought it was an STI or UTI. I got tested for both and it was neither. Then I kind of figured out, "Oh, it's anxiety" and I started being able to control it more. But sometimes I still get nervous about things and I'll feel like I need to pee all the time.  Am I the only one?

I loose sleep also! I've been prescribed sleeping stuff, but it makes me so groggy I'd rather go without sleep. I generally go super quiet, and when I've got it I'll go quiet and I do breathing ect I find a really good way to sort of ease myself out of anxiety/panic attacks is to watch funny shows, I love TV and watching telly and it's always my go to when I'm home not having anxiety sometimes I like to just watch a few movies or binge watch seasons of Friends, but when I have anxiety generally that calms me down too and being at home.

I've never had it in my dick, but it can sort of "manifest" itself in different people differently, I get very shaky and feel like I can't breathe.

7 hours ago, Joe said:

I've lived with anxiety and depression for over four years. It's a daily struggle. Last year, I kind of lost my shit and had to take a leave of absence to check into a mental health outpatient program. I was properly diagnosed, put on the right meds, faced my demons head on and felt alright for awhile. I had to adjust my meds a couple of weeks ago after hitting this "I accept death and that I'll probably kill myself at some point and that's okay point." Learned that was not normal and so yeah. 

The night Rainbow was released, I got a bit drunk and was sending my good friend, who's in Montana for the summer, lyrics front Spaceship and kept telling her I just wanted to sleep and not wake up. I scared the shit out of myself the next morning after coming to terms that I wasn't ready for that. Rainbow was definitely a trigger and I had to come to terms with it fast.

Some days are okay, but I mostly wake up feeling very mundane and think throughout the day about not existing and how much better things would be if that happened. 

It's hard. If you ever need someone to talk to, dm me on Twitter or Instagram (adoseofjoe) and I get notifications. I'll do my best to help where I can.

edit: my anxiety used to be so bad, that I would have to drop whatever I was doing if I was shopping or at a restaurant (I'd just drop cash on the table) and leave. It's shit. Depression? I'd be afraid to sleep in my bed, afraid that I wouldn't hear my ex break down my door. So I'd sleep on the couch, wake up and literally be stuck in bed. I've had a 9-5 since I was 20, so I had to get intermittent fmla to protect my job. It's shit. 

The whole, "you're stronger if you suffer from mental illness" is such shit. You just learn to fake it after awhile.

Ok, I bolded the parts I wanted to mostly reply too. I feel so sorry that you went into a mental health clinic, when I get anxiety and I'm not sure if you or anyone else gets this but I'll think like "I'm going crazy" or "I've got something severely wrong with me" and I'll think that until it goes away, I have to talk myself out of it. I get that Mental Health Clinics can be quite good, but I've seen my mum go into 2 (she passed away last year, whole other story miss her dearly though) and it scares me, that would be my worst fear.

I'm sorry you feel like sometimes you feel suicidal, that's unfair and you shouldn't feel like that your life has a purpose just like everyone else  We're all here for one reason or another.

Thankyou your so sweet for putting that info there, I'll remember when I do need someone to talk too I feel like sometimes a person with a fresh perspective on things is always a good person to talk too.

I've never heard that saying, and thats such a crock of shit. I agree, fake it till you make it.

5 hours ago, Tweener said:

You are not right here. It is selfish. There are people who care about you and the fact you are gone forever would break their hearts. Think about Olly who is fully dependent on you. Your friends who love you. Do you really think that people would just go past the fact you died purblindly? Nope. At least I wouldn't. I don't know you too long, but I already can tell how brave and amazing you are. Life is worth living/ There are ups and downs, but at the end of the day we can just go to bed, fall asleep and wake up hoping for a new day to be better. And C'mon! I will never believe that you don't have happy days! I saw you happy many times. You are worthy, baby. I love you! And many other people love you too! Don't take that for granted! 

Oh, I totally agree. It's selfish, and its the easy way out. There's a quote I once heard while watching a youtube video and it's a long the lines of "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem", and I agree because even though life may suck now and again everyone has they're good days, everyone has they're fun days, even if its just at home watching movies and binging on junk food or going out partying, or hanging out with family or friends - yeah sure everyone has a crap work day, just a shit day in general but it'll never stay. It'll always be fixed up. Example, I woke up today and found out my water heater was leaking I thought why is this fucking happening to me, it's now being fixed in the next 24 hours and I can go to my brothers for a shower. (not the best of examples but..it's one I had just this morning)

4 hours ago, Fetish said:

I struggle really badly with anxiety, and being gay has really been a problem for me my whole life. My family accept me 100% but I have a really hard time interacting with people because I'm feminine in some ways, I feel like theres just a constant uncomfortableness with people. I dont know if that resonates with anyone but does anyone else feel like most if not all straight guys are lowkey homophobic even if they're not? I feel like that, and it holds me back at school BUT I recently went through a fight to change my history classes into drama/theatre classes and it was the best decision ive made in a while. Theatre has helped me so much and I just feel so comfortable. Idk I feel like I'm whining about nothing but yeah  I really recommend theatre for anyone who also struggles with anxiety!

I agree there too, everyone knows I'm gay and I'm a bit more feminine not totally but maybe in my mannerisms or whatever, my family loves and accepts me too I've no issues there but I always feel like as @Tweener said like there's so many homophobes, and Australia is about to rule a vote for gay marriage or not and you just see all these people who still don't accept it, and it's like get over it it's 2017 its not like gays are going to be fucking in the middle of the street if it gets passed, gay relationships already exist we just want the legal part of it. I'm overcoming it slowly, I just bite the bullet cos at the end of the day I know I've friends and family who support me.

I know this thread is a bit deep or whatever, and I don't know if anyones made a thread like this before but I'm glad I did cos I feel like we can all talk about our stuff without sort of judgement and people understanding where it comes from, people who've been through the same sort of stuff. I'm generally ok, for now I'm medicated a lot of the times, and when I have a panic attack when I'm out and about I generally have to leave or go somewhere quiet, I've had days where I've just been on edge for no reason, and days where I've been on edge for a reason I know of, I've even had panic attacks in the middle of class and had to step out, and while I was driving (god that was awful) and I was an hour away from home and had to push through as I had no-one else that could drive, I do push through sometimes and it does help but it takes a lot of energy to do so. I truely believe meditation helps, medication does too but essentially thats a bandaid to fix an underlying problem.

Sorry for the long post, and being a therapist. But I'm here if anyone wants to talk too, I'm generally hounderawr on most places. ok, I'm done now  

[Main Pop Girl]

5 hours ago, Tweener said:

I suffer from anxiety and depression. I have been suffering from them since I was a child. It's an everyday struggle. However, it got better at some point. I still have some meltdowns. I can literally lock myself in the room and cry because I read an article about animal cruelty and so on. Sometimes, just like Countess, I get super bitchy and I can't help it but argue with everyone around. 

Sleeplessness is also my problem! To this day sometimes I can not sleep for 3 days in a row. 

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles.  The bitchy thing is crazy! I don't know where it comes from, but I literally feel as though my mouth is just opening and closing and saying all these disgusting things and I can't even control it.  I've never had an issue where I can't sleep for that long, I think the worst that's happened is I've just lied in bed for a few hours. Maybe you could try some meditation or white noise apps? Me and my mum use those in bed and they seem to work well!  

3 hours ago, Fetish said:

I struggle really badly with anxiety, and being gay has really been a problem for me my whole life. My family accept me 100% but I have a really hard time interacting with people because I'm feminine in some ways, I feel like theres just a constant uncomfortableness with people. I dont know if that resonates with anyone but does anyone else feel like most if not all straight guys are lowkey homophobic even if they're not? I feel like that, and it holds me back at school BUT I recently went through a fight to change my history classes into drama/theatre classes and it was the best decision ive made in a while. Theatre has helped me so much and I just feel so comfortable. Idk I feel like I'm whining about nothing but yeah  I really recommend theatre for anyone who also struggles with anxiety!

I used to be the same way as you right after I got out of high school... I just had this thing where I would write every straight guy I met off as homophobic, arrogant and/or an asshole. But then one day I met this really nice straight guy and he taught me to open up and be more friendly towards people.  Now some of my good friends are hetero men!  It is hard, but all you need is just one positive experience and it will change your mind on everything.  

11 minutes ago, hounderawr said:

I loose sleep also! I've been prescribed sleeping stuff, but it makes me so groggy I'd rather go without sleep. I generally go super quiet, and when I've got it I'll go quiet and I do breathing ect I find a really good way to sort of ease myself out of anxiety/panic attacks is to watch funny shows, I love TV and watching telly and it's always my go to when I'm home not having anxiety sometimes I like to just watch a few movies or binge watch seasons of Friends, but when I have anxiety generally that calms me down too and being at home.

I've never had it in my dick, but it can sort of "manifest" itself in different people differently, I get very shaky and feel like I can't breathe.

I'm glad I'm not the only one!  I actually used to do a weird thing where I would deprive myself of sleep by getting only like five or six hours a night, because then when I woke up the next morning I wouldn't be as sharp so interacting with other people wasn't as scary as normal. Completely unhealthy but it worked for a few weeks.  I love watching TV shows as well, The Golden Girls is my comforter.