Struggles With Depression

[NamiraWilhelm]

Everyone raves about exercise helping them relieve their depression, but I have yet to find any sort of exercise beyond walking that I enjoy >< I just hate sport....

[asexualguy]

I've started feeling depressed ever since the sophomore year of high school. I was thinking about how my life was going to be because I didn't and still don't want to have a basic life where you finish school, get a job and build a family because I personally think I can do more than that. I've tried this and that to somehow make it happen but all efforts I've done were failures. I was stuck and didn't know how to get what I want because I was helpless. Here, where I live, mental illness isn't taken seriously, people here believe it's just a part of growing up which is a dumb way to think about it that way. I went to psychiatrist but didn't help much, he didn't even try to dig what my problem was.

Now, I've never been bullied or anything, the outside factors had never been an issue to me. Though I really wanted and still do want to be appreciated more because most people around me know that I can be taken for granted and I'm alright with that.

I was drowning in this unexplainable emotion of nothingness. I felt empty. I know I've joked about killing myself a bunch of times but there was a little part of me that actually wanted to do it, not because I couldn't do this anymore, not because others were mean to me. It was because there was nothing to look forward to.

I eventually overcame this issue with internet. I learn, see, hear, become what I want through this virtual world, making me think that I still can reach my goals because people out there have experienced similar issues as mine and yet they made it. My parents say I'm delusional because of this. I don't care. I don't care if I'm delusional by doing this because I feel like this helps me a lot getting through my days.

What I learned from this experience is that, I am my own biggest enemy. You can tell others to fuck off but you can't tell yourself to fuck off. Conquer the bad side of yourself, evaluate yourself, make peace with yourself. Because at the end of the day, there's nobody you can count on but yourself.

(lowkey me as i type this cause i've never shared this before.)

[Woodcrest]

2 hours ago, Countess said:

I feel you sis...I'm more of a depression eater than I am a depression worker.  

[Marina Joyce]

I'm not even gonna share my story, it's a fucking soap opera, I'll just say that my escape from depression was music, listening or creating it! After all we're all here because of music, and because we relate to the lyrics that (most of the time) our faves write!

[William]

[shout87]

In a way, I do have depression. It was worse in my teen years. Lately though, it's still there but it is what it is. I won't get too into my feelings about this.

[Tweener]

Everyone goes through some shit in their lives. The most important thing is to learn how to deal with it. For example, I found relief here on PHF. I befriended many amazing ppl here. That's something which helps me on a daily basis.

At some point, I realized that life is just too short to waste it on depression and things. Once I realized that, I started to working on myself and my life has really improved lately. Even tho I still have days when I feel like shit and I overthink shit from my past, at the end of the day I am happy with the progress I've made and I am fully content with myself.

And now everyone in this thread...

Spoiler

 

 

[Cypher]

I'm not discrediting anyone here, but there's a difference from depression and sadness. A lot of people in my life use depression as an excuse for poor life choices, just know at the end of the day, you are responsible for your actions. You can either dwell and dig yourself into a deeper hole, or you can choose to get out.

[NamiraWilhelm]

Yeah i agree. But then the government makes it worthwhile to fake illness here. Everyone's sadness is valid, and often you can't claw your way out. But I do think depression is something every human goes through, I struggle to deal with the special snowflakes I know that claim I don't understand. I honestly don't know a single person that hasn't succumbed to depression at some point in their lives. 

Depression and social anxiety disorder here btw. The human brain is a horribly defective thing.

[SkullPop]

So, I've been depressed for 4 years it started in 6th grade and the darkest it was was in 7th grade when I realized I was gay and had my first crush. In 7th I would spend all day listening to music really sad I almost commuted suicide twice not too many people know. I essentially had pills in my hand and was about to swallow them but the crush kept me going in a way. Then in 8th grade I got happier but still was extremely depressed (my family doesn't know) In the summer, before high school, I had this school program thingy it was like orientation but it lasted 6 weeks. So it was in July and I was very very down that day and I had everything set up when I got home my plan was to slit my wrists get in the bath and take pills as well too make sure I was dead and done with. But, that same day this kid told me something basically to take off my headphones and to talk too people otherwise I'd never make a friend. I can say I was grateful for that because, like a few mins. later there was this boy waiting for his ride outside of school (it reminded me of how I met my first crush) I really wanted to avoid conversation but I remembered what the kid said and thought to myself "Why not, I've got nothing to lose today is my last day anyway" Obviously, I'm still alive but as soon as I talked to him it's like all my sadness went away I felt amazing and happy I hadn't felt like that for awhile now. So we became friends and once the school year started we made some new friends we would still hang out but not as much eventually over fucking text I told him I had a crush on him. Fortunate for me, I got rejected beautifully. We're still friends currently but once he told me no it's like I was relived cause I knew my depressed ass would've not been good for him for that I was grateful. Currently I'm a sophomore and I thought I was finally happy when I recently cane to the realization that I'm not actually happy. I realized that I've become this person who I hate and since I told my friend about my crush my sadness had in fact been amplified. So, right now I can feel myself slowly losing my emotions and I know in order to get better I have to cut off all of my bad friends. This task is incredibly daunting me for me cause I'm attached to them and nearly 99% of them are bad. I cried today for the first time in 1 year. I hate crying I always try to hold it in. I'm only really myself when I'm with him I feel happy when I'm with him. My best friend we'll call her Daisy. So, most of my other friends have been mean to daisy even though they hang out they're pretty mean. Me and daisy are good friends I would say I reassure her she's notta fake bitch.  But recently, she's been avoiding me essentially ghosting me she almost basically ignored my existence in the summer. By the way my depression is getting worse I think I'm going through another episode I call them. After I told my crush I've had some real happiness that lasts only for days. The majority of these other days I feel neutral not much emotion. But every once on a while I'll be severely depressed for weeks or even months on end. Today, I considered and almost attempted to kill myself with a belt. I can say my depression has gotten better but it's still very bad I hope I'll get better soon I'm not sure I can survive another 3 year severe depressive state I barley made it out alive last time by sheer luck. That's my long story I'm happy to take questions. Sorry for the length

[Main Pop Girl]

On 8/17/2016 at 11:25 PM, Woodcrest said:

 

On 8/18/2016 at 8:59 AM, NamiraWilhelm said:

Yeah i agree. But then the government makes it worthwhile to fake illness here. Everyone's sadness is valid, and often you can't claw your way out. But I do think depression is something every human goes through, I struggle to deal with the special snowflakes I know that claim I don't understand. I honestly don't know a single person that hasn't succumbed to depression at some point in their lives. 

Depression and social anxiety disorder here btw. The human brain is a horribly defective thing.

I agree with you tbh. I think there's a difference between "normal" depression and clinical depression tho, but it's often hard to tell where the line ends and at the end of the day it doesn't really matter if the person's suffering.  

On 8/18/2016 at 1:28 PM, SkullPop said:

So, I've been depressed for 4 years it started in 6th grade and the darkest it was was in 7th grade when I realized I was gay and had my first crush. In 7th I would spend all day listening to music really sad I almost commuted suicide twice not too many people know. I essentially had pills in my hand and was about to swallow them but the crush kept me going in a way. Then in 8th grade I got happier but still was extremely depressed (my family doesn't know) In the summer, before high school, I had this school program thingy it was like orientation but it lasted 6 weeks. So it was in July and I was very very down that day and I had everything set up when I got home my plan was to slit my wrists get in the bath and take pills as well too make sure I was dead and done with. But, that same day this kid told me something basically to take off my headphones and to talk too people otherwise I'd never make a friend. I can say I was grateful for that because, like a few mins. later there was this boy waiting for his ride outside of school (it reminded me of how I met my first crush) I really wanted to avoid conversation but I remembered what the kid said and thought to myself "Why not, I've got nothing to lose today is my last day anyway" Obviously, I'm still alive but as soon as I talked to him it's like all my sadness went away I felt amazing and happy I hadn't felt like that for awhile now. So we became friends and once the school year started we made some new friends we would still hang out but not as much eventually over fucking text I told him I had a crush on him. Fortunate for me, I got rejected beautifully. We're still friends currently but once he told me no it's like I was relived cause I knew my depressed ass would've not been good for him for that I was grateful. Currently I'm a sophomore and I thought I was finally happy when I recently cane to the realization that I'm not actually happy. I realized that I've become this person who I hate and since I told my friend about my crush my sadness had in fact been amplified. So, right now I can feel myself slowly losing my emotions and I know in order to get better I have to cut off all of my bad friends. This task is incredibly daunting me for me cause I'm attached to them and nearly 99% of them are bad. I cried today for the first time in 1 year. I hate crying I always try to hold it in. I'm only really myself when I'm with him I feel happy when I'm with him. My best friend we'll call her Daisy. So, most of my other friends have been mean to daisy even though they hang out they're pretty mean. Me and daisy are good friends I would say I reassure her she's notta fake bitch.  But recently, she's been avoiding me essentially ghosting me she almost basically ignored my existence in the summer. By the way my depression is getting worse I think I'm going through another episode I call them. After I told my crush I've had some real happiness that lasts only for days. The majority of these other days I feel neutral not much emotion. But every once on a while I'll be severely depressed for weeks or even months on end. Today, I considered and almost attempted to kill myself with a belt. I can say my depression has gotten better but it's still very bad I hope I'll get better soon I'm not sure I can survive another 3 year severe depressive state I barley made it out alive last time by sheer luck. That's my long story I'm happy to take questions. Sorry for the length

I'm really sorry to hear this boo.  Have you considered talking to a therapist about it? A certain level of sadness is normal but if you're seriously considering suicide I think you should talk to someone who can help you through it.

[CharliXCX]

I struggle with depression and severe anxiety, as well as mild aspergers music is my outlet to help me with everything, Melanie Martinez has been the biggest help with it, and it's just so amazing. I really struggle with it but recently I found someone I love and im afraid they'll reject me they told me tonight well call and discuss it and it's got ny anxiety all fired uo and I can't settle down I keep having anxiety attacks etc and I just im afraid the only person who make some happy and that i actually love will reject me. So I am now back in a bad place and I'm constantly down 

[Alexanderrr]

I struggle with depression, trust issues and paranoia. I have struggled with suicidal thoughts and self harm but that's under control now. Anyways, I should probably tell you why, it'll be two years on the 5th of September since i was hanging out with a close friend, and he turned on me and raped me, he knew i was gay and took it to his advantage. He moved schools long before i spoke up about it. It took me months to speak up, when i finally did, it was to my "best friend" and she helped me speak out to the police. Anyways, a few weeks passed and someone spread it to my whole school, and people spreaded false rumours that lied about it, which I did not. My "best friend" heard about this and she took their side, however she didn't tell me that and asked if i wanted to come out for a bit and take my mind off things, so i did. That night ended with the police taking a statement off me because she and others beat me up for, "being a liar and a rapist" at this point i knew he has been telling people i did it to him, just so he'd get away with it. Long story short, the police didn't do shit about me being beat up, and my case against the attacker was dropped because there "was not enough evidence". So yeah, he got away with it.

Also, a few months ago, I went for this collage interview with my school, we were the first ones there, we had to wait for other schools, cause the interviews were in the collage course classes we would've been in (if that makes sense) He came walking down the path with his school. When i saw him i froze, went pale and almost vomited. I tried to run away, but couldn't. He started staring at me and laughing with his friends about me. He was whispering stuff about me, he didn't know a friend of mine was behind him and heard everything, she stuck up for me, and argued with him. She came over and told me what had happened. Long story short, we both got accepted but i dropped out and decided to continue with school and start collage at a later time. So yeah, I have depression, trust issues and paranoia.

[Main Pop Girl]

On 8/28/2016 at 10:01 AM, Kyonxharuhi2 said:

I struggle with depression and severe anxiety, as well as mild aspergers music is my outlet to help me with everything, Melanie Martinez has been the biggest help with it, and it's just so amazing. I really struggle with it but recently I found someone I love and im afraid they'll reject me they told me tonight well call and discuss it and it's got ny anxiety all fired uo and I can't settle down I keep having anxiety attacks etc and I just im afraid the only person who make some happy and that i actually love will reject me. So I am now back in a bad place and I'm constantly down 

How did your phone call go?  Keeping my fingers crossed it all worked out.  

On 8/28/2016 at 2:19 PM, Alexanderrr said:

I struggle with depression, trust issues and paranoia. I have struggled with suicidal thoughts and self harm but that's under control now. Anyways, I should probably tell you why, it'll be two years on the 5th of September since i was hanging out with a close friend, and he turned on me and raped me, he knew i was gay and took it to his advantage. He moved schools long before i spoke up about it. It took me months to speak up, when i finally did, it was to my "best friend" and she helped me speak out to the police. Anyways, a few weeks passed and someone spread it to my whole school, and people spreaded false rumours that lied about it, which I did not. My "best friend" heard about this and she took their side, however she didn't tell me that and asked if i wanted to come out for a bit and take my mind off things, so i did. That night ended with the police taking a statement off me because she and others beat me up for, "being a liar and a rapist" at this point i knew he has been telling people i did it to him, just so he'd get away with it. Long story short, the police didn't do shit about me being beat up, and my case against the attacker was dropped because there "was not enough evidence". So yeah, he got away with it.

Also, a few months ago, I went for this collage interview with my school, we were the first ones there, we had to wait for other schools, cause the interviews were in the collage course classes we would've been in (if that makes sense) He came walking down the path with his school. When i saw him i froze, went pale and almost vomited. I tried to run away, but couldn't. He started staring at me and laughing with his friends about me. He was whispering stuff about me, he didn't know a friend of mine was behind him and heard everything, she stuck up for me, and argued with him. She came over and told me what had happened. Long story short, we both got accepted but i dropped out and decided to continue with school and start collage at a later time. So yeah, I have depression, trust issues and paranoia.

This is really fucked up boo.  I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Not only did you go through something horrible but you lost two of your good friends because of it. But you shouldn't let it rule your life! If you wanna go to that college, you should go.  Don't let fear or hatred control you!

[Impossible Ryan]

I usually never comment on stuff like this but I just have a shitty life rn. I mean in reality my life isn't that bad compared to a lot of people but I'm just stuck in life and I'm still so hurt from so many things and I just constantly dwell on it because I'm either at work or at home. I have no life. And I'm just so sad. But I try to mask it and it just doesn't work.