trayertrash Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 1 minute ago, Countess said: I don't think that by discussing multiple sides of an issue you have to set aside certain times to do it tho. For example, in less than a paragraph in your last post you just discussed men being raped and women being raped, and the differences and similarities between them, incredibly eloquently! You didn't have to make one thread for us to exclusively discuss rape when it comes to women, and another thread for us to exclusively discuss rape when it comes to men. As you suggested, the two genders society accepts are so intrinsically interwoven and defined by each other that it would be impossible to do that. In this thread, we've had a discussion of rape that's pretty gender neutral and inclusive of everybody's opinion and story, but that still highlights the ways in which experiences differ. It's really not hard to do, and I think it's the best way of trying to dispel this strangely competitive battle of the sexes situation that's occurring when it comes to these kinds of issues. It's a way to understand difference while still appreciating that everyone is going through a similar struggle and no one is in it alone. We're agreeing here - the only difference I'm making is that when a person or a group of people discusses their specific issues it's not okay to jump in a shout "what about us" Thought it's important to discuss everyone, it's often used in a way to silence a group they don't agree with. (anti-feminist do this a lot and it's something I've experienced over the years) I think it's great to bring in discussions within discussions as long as people aren't trying to take away from what others are saying; ie; when men discuss rape women should never jump in and say "it happens to us more often" They should use it as a time to show support and discuss how it all out of issues are the same issue and one is never more important than the other Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Main Pop Girl Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 3 minutes ago, trayertrash said: We're agreeing here - the only difference I'm making is that when a person or a group of people discusses their specific issues it's not okay to jump in a shout "what about us" Thought it's important to discuss everyone, it's often used in a way to silence a group they don't agree with. (anti-feminist do this a lot and it's something I've experienced over the years) I think it's great to bring in discussions within discussions as long as people aren't trying to take away from what others are saying; ie; when men discuss rape women should never jump in and say "it happens to us more often" They should use it as a time to show support and discuss how it all out of issues are the same issue and one is never more important than the other But what I'm saying is no one should be excluded from the conversation to begin with. Allowing only a group of people to have a conversation about a certain thing, especially when it's something so silly as someone's gender, is inherently making it exclusive and it's also going to only allow for a very small and specific range of views. Obviously if someone's jumping in to try and discredit someone else's experience like what you're saying, or if someone's interrupting or belittling someone and not allowing them to finish their statement, that's just being a cunt. But as long as people are respectful of what others have to say, I see no reason why anyone can't speak in a conversation about rape regardless of their race, sexuality, gender or any other variable which we've decided is useful in labelling people. I guess for me what it comes down to is: if you're going to be an asshole, don't speak. But don't not speak because of something so silly as your gender expression. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trayertrash Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 4 minutes ago, Countess said: But what I'm saying is no one should be excluded from the conversation to begin with. Allowing only a group of people to have a conversation about a certain thing, especially when it's something so silly as someone's gender, is inherently making it exclusive and it's also going to only allow for a very small and specific range of views. Obviously if someone's jumping in to try and discredit someone else's experience like what you're saying, or if someone's interrupting or belittling someone and not allowing them to finish their statement, that's just being a cunt. But as long as people are respectful of what others have to say, I see no reason why anyone can't speak in a conversation about rape regardless of their race, sexuality, gender or any other variable which we've decided is useful in labelling people. I guess for me what it comes down to is: if you're going to be an asshole, don't speak. But don't not speak because of something so silly as your gender expression. That's pretty much what I've been trying to get across Allow others to speak, listen to them, show support then discuss the issues as a whole. The only time I'm against someone else jumping in is when they're trying to take away from the issue or belittle someone. Other than that feel free to discuss the issues as a hole. I still think listening to others experiences is important because it gives us a better view of the problem as a whole and how we can fight against those issues. There's a lot of perspectives people won't see until they're discussed on a smaller level. I wasn't aware of a lot of the issues men face that I listed in my rant until I listened to what men had to say. They aren't things I will ever personally face even though they're directly linked to issues I do face. Same as me discussing issues women face, there's specific things men will never face (like period shaming) that can be directly linked to things like male aggression and emotions. Perspective is pretty much what I'm fighting for here. Listen, learn and connect. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trayertrash Posted July 6, 2016 Author Share Posted July 6, 2016 Topic #2 Monogamy, Polygamy & Porn I think in general monogamy is unrealistic and the idea that it's the only right way to have a relationship needs to vanish. If people were truly monogamist they wouldn't look, flirt or cheat and the consensual sex industry wouldn't exist. I think a majority of people have sexual attractions and desires towards other people outside of their partner. Pretending those attractive and desires don't exist is ridiculous. Even if you don't want to have sex with anyone else you should be able to say "I think this person is attractive" without it being a huge fucking deal. I don't understand the obsession with women hating porn. So what if your partner watches it? If all you had to eat was pizza for the next 50 years you'd look at other foods. It doesn't mean you hate pizza, just that other things appeal to you as well. People who don't want their partners watching porn, jerking off but also withhold sex for their personal gain are gross. (Not that you should have sex whenever your partner wants it, but people who are like "I won't have sex until you buy me this" ... just... no... unless it's a thing you enjoy or whatever, then that's chill, I don't [kink] shame) Jealousy in relationships is fucking stupid. Your partner might look at someone for 2 seconds but at the end of the day they're still with you. The amount of women in particular that I know who will talk about how hot guys are when they're around their friends but fight with their partners for just assuming they looked at someone else is controlling, hypocritical, deceitful and emotionally abusive. Also, accepting your partner loving more than just you is a strong and beautiful experience. Polyamory without jealousy is beautiful and brings out the best in everyone involved. I've had the most loving, caring and incredible person I've ever known come into my life because of it. I'm a better person because of them. I wish everyone in the world that level of love, trust, respect and caring, even if monogamy is the right choice for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marina Joyce Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 Jealousy in relationships is fucking stupid. Your partner might look at someone for 2 seconds but at the end of the day they're still with you. The amount of women in particular that I know who will talk about how hot guys are when they're around their friends but fight with their partners for just assuming they looked at someone else is controlling, hypocritical, deceitful and emotionally abusive. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tweener Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 I totally agree with you. IMO, human beings are not monogamic creatures. We were born to feel physical attraction toward other people. The idea that someone would feel it toward only one person is just stupid. When it comes to jealousy, people tend to be really REALLY hypocritical. Some people are so controlling over their partners that it's just sick. And I am sure that no matter how in love that person would be, if he was deprived of sex, he would go and watch porn anyway. While the controlled person would be living in fear of losing their significant one. That kind of relationship is really toxic. I was invited several times to threesomes. Even tho I didn't take on offer, I understood that they just want to add some heat to their sexual life and if both of them were ok with it, then it's good. I have nothing against. Polygamy is kinda essential in a way. It is good if two sides consent to it. Personaly, I will never understand people who wait with sex till marriage, and then do it onloy with one person for the rest of their lives. Is it even possible? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trayertrash Posted July 6, 2016 Author Share Posted July 6, 2016 2 minutes ago, Tweener said: I totally agree with you. IMO, human beings are not monogamic creatures. We were born to feel physical attraction toward other people. The idea that someone would feel it toward only one person is just stupid. When it comes to jealousy, people tend to be really REALLY hypocritical. Some people are so controlling over their partners that it's just sick. And I am sure that no matter how in love that person would be, if he was deprived of sex, he would go and watch porn anyway. While the controlled person would be living in fear of losing their significant one. That kind of relationship is really toxic. I was invited several times to threesomes. Even tho I didn't take on offer, I understood that they just want to add some heat to their sexual life and if both of them were ok with it, then it's good. I have nothing against. Polygamy is kinda essential in a way. It is good if two sides consent to it. Personaly, I will never understand people who wait with sex till marriage, and then do it onloy with one person for the rest of their lives. Is it even possible? The concept of monogamy began with centuries of misogynistic and religious bullshit. It was created to view women as property. Even in the bible men could have multiple wives but the woman could only be married to one man. The concepts and roles of monogamy have changed over the years, but the basic general principals of possessiveness and ownership are still alive. To think anyone has the right to control and "own" a person until they die is barbaric imo. Toxic hypocritical relationships are fucking awful and I wish nothing but a safe and healthy breakup for the victim. I've been in several threesomes and it's something I enjoy from time to time, but not something I need to be sexually fulfilled. It's something that's not for everyone and you should only participate if you're really interested. I understand the concept of wanting to be with one person your whole life. I adore the idealistic view of having a "one true love" but in reality, one person can't fulfill you, it's impossible. That's why people have friends and family. You need support from more than one person. You need different perspectives and different sorts of love and caring. I think even emotional polygamy is great. Having someone who's more than a friend but less than a lover is such a great balance, at least for me. There's things that are extremely important to me (like politics and music) that I'll never be able to discuss with my husband. Having someone else who can understand my point of view, share theirs, learn from each other, help each other grow, share constant moments of loves and happiness - it's perfect for me. Btw, if you do chose to be monogamous that's great for you and I'm in no way against monogamy as a whole. Do whatever works for you but you should also respect basic natural instincts and not be a bitter jealous ass hole. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tweener Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 exactly! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Main Pop Girl Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Y'all sinners can keep fucking as many people as you want, but the only other person in my relationship with my man is Jesus Christ. I get way too jealous to be sharing someone I'm dating. If it was something that was really important to him, we could try it but I honestly don't think it would work out for me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trayertrash Posted July 22, 2016 Author Share Posted July 22, 2016 I don't know how many times I have to say it, but someone doesn't need to fetishize my body in order to love me. It's disturbing how many people tell me how 'lucky' I am to find a man who 'likes big girls.' It's not a compliment. It's saying that my body isn't worthy of loving. It's saying that no matter how much of a decent person I am or how much I have in common with someone you're okay with them not giving me the time of day because I'm a plus size woman. It's saying that someone must view me as a fetish to experience attraction towards me. I'm not a fetish. I'm a somewhat decent person who happened to find one person out of the 7 billion people on earth that I'm compatible with. I'm lucky to have found someone who loves me, all of me. Someone who has done beyond what anyone else I've ever been with to provide for me emotionally and financially. Someone who works his ass off to insure our financial stability. Someone who accepts my constant political tirades and music extremities. Someone who thinks it's cute when I laugh at gruesome murders in horror movies, stop everything I'm doing when I see something Star Trek related and randomly cry over Xander leaving Anya. Someone who respects my boundaries. Someone who doesn't view my friendships as competitions. Someone who has defended me over and over again. Someone who is perfect for me in every way. Someone who has loved me in every way a person can love another person. I'm lucky to have found my soul mate. But I'm not lucky to have found someone who doesn't hold me to unrealistic body standards and loves my body even though it's the smallest part of who I am. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tweener Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 Fat shaming is so wack.... I hate when people do that. Everyone deserves to love and be loved. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Main Pop Girl Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 On 7/23/2016 at 5:52 AM, trayertrash said: I don't know how many times I have to say it, but someone doesn't need to fetishize my body in order to love me. It's disturbing how many people tell me how 'lucky' I am to find a man who 'likes big girls.' It's not a compliment. It's saying that my body isn't worthy of loving. It's saying that no matter how much of a decent person I am or how much I have in common with someone you're okay with them not giving me the time of day because I'm a plus size woman. It's saying that someone must view me as a fetish to experience attraction towards me. I'm not a fetish. I'm a somewhat decent person who happened to find one person out of the 7 billion people on earth that I'm compatible with. I'm lucky to have found someone who loves me, all of me. Someone who has done beyond what anyone else I've ever been with to provide for me emotionally and financially. Someone who works his ass off to insure our financial stability. Someone who accepts my constant political tirades and music extremities. Someone who thinks it's cute when I laugh at gruesome murders in horror movies, stop everything I'm doing when I see something Star Trek related and randomly cry over Xander leaving Anya. Someone who respects my boundaries. Someone who doesn't view my friendships as competitions. Someone who has defended me over and over again. Someone who is perfect for me in every way. Someone who has loved me in every way a person can love another person. I'm lucky to have found my soul mate. But I'm not lucky to have found someone who doesn't hold me to unrealistic body standards and loves my body even though it's the smallest part of who I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trayertrash Posted July 24, 2016 Author Share Posted July 24, 2016 12 minutes ago, Countess said: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Main Pop Girl Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 10 hours ago, trayertrash said: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tweener Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 @trayertrash Waiting for your tirade about feminism and misogyny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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